2001 Results And Fixtures

All contributions by #7, unless preceded by another number.

Prediction Time

Cup -

Blitzes -

League -

Week 1 Wednesday 25/04/01 Diamond Dogs 12 - 21 Big Al's Flyers
Pembroke Cricket Club
The figures do not lie. The Flyers took the game and grabbed it by the throat. Then they threw it to the ground and kicked it in the head a few times before moving on and working the kidneys. When a concerned onlooker finally stepped in to pull the wide-eyed, froth-mouthed Flyers off, they composed themselves and asked what the score had been. 21 - 12 to us, apparently. From Adrian's crazed shuttling between first and second to Erin's solo double play, the mobile crowd provided by Iarnod Eireann had seen the usual variation in skills, composure and halfassedness during a muddy game which went down well with Lansdowne Road, judging by the cheers throughout. Finally, it can't be denied that Betty deserves a mention. So then: Betty.

Crime of the Century: Presented in full colour StikiVision©, Adrian's Shame. Lest We Forget.
Debutante of the Game: Despite a sterling performance by... oh yeah, she'd have got it anyway. Catchtastic stuff from Erin.

Week 2 Wednesday 02/05/01 Big Al's Flyers 17 - 10 Slammers

This week I will be mostly reporting in tabloid headlines.

Little Glamour As Slammers Hammered In Efficient Manner.
Seventeen Runs Scored For Fun Under The Sun.
Slammers Reel As Flyers Shield The Field.
O'Gorman: Pitcher Perfect
Flyers Hit A Bit But Generally... Not The Best.
Dire Flyers Tire, But Stay Higher.

Ninja of the Game: Cora, for standing still and blending in to the shadows of Home Plate so that the opposition couldn't see her after she hit a ball short to the infield. Tagged out when her foolish teammates, who could still see her, screamed at her to run and inadvertently revealed her position.
And the Golden Diaper for Self Control goes to: Adrian for not repeating his non-heroics of last week.

Week 3 Wednesday 16/05/01 Stanley Warriors P - P Big Al's Flyers
St. Anne's Park
After both teams warmed up and were preparing to take the field, the game against The Wettiers was called off on account of war. Sorry, still a bit of water on the brain. It was a bit damp long before we got to Raheny, but it took a while for the two coaches and the blue to "decide" conditions were "too wet" and that it might be "dangerous" to play. Methinks the "conference" under the "umbrella" was conducted by three "Liverpool" "fans" who had a need to go "to the pub" to "see the game against "Ala""ve""s"". What the...? Oh. My elbow was resting on the sarcasm button. Game to be rescheduled for when we're missing less players.

The Bright Side of All This: Adrian didn't get a chance to wreck anything team related. However, his marriage might be in trouble after he ditched his wedding ring ("not really mine. It's yours, darling"), car keys ("I can always get a new one") and Superclub card ("Jaysus! Those are hard to replace. Thanks") under a mound of wet, freshly mown grass. James missed the point and returned them.
Shock of the Day:
Cliodhna showed up.

Week 4 Wednesday 23/05/01 Big Al's Flyers 7 - 18 Renegades
James summed up the no-fun-in-the-sun mood of the Flyers. The outfielders must have got together and put a spread bet on how many catches they'd make between them. 6? 7? A lousy 1. No victory chips but it wasn't all bad news...
It was a lovely sunny evening (hurrah!) that brought the midges out (boo!). And we lost (boo!) so we mightn't get promoted (hurrah!). Fi burnt their 3B up the line (hurrah!) before they homered twice in the 2nd (boo!). Deano hit big to LF (hurrah!) but was still standing at home when it curved fair (boo!). We know the infield fly rule (hurrah!), but the blue...(BOO!!!). The 2Bs played very well (hurrah!). Then Fi got hurt (boo!) but Cora was back from Zurich at 5.30 to sub in (hurrah!). But we had no male subs (boo!). Junior reckons he batted 4 for 4 (hurrah!). So what? We don't keep stats (HURRAH!!!).

Play of the Day: Junior, sitting on his butt, making the throw from SS to 1B for an out.
Lamest Excuse For Missing Game: Tony (by email) - "In Xi'an at the moment, just seen the terracotta army, not bad, the lazy bastards should finish digging them up though". Last year he could play for us despite heading on a two week trip to Africa four days before the game.

#7 Today's Lookalike: Courtesy of the Children's Television Workshop.
Assumption of the Day: Wherever Adrian was, women were wailing and grown men were gnashing their teeth in frustration.

Week 5 Wednesday 30/05/01 Rescon Blazzers 23 - 13 Big Al's Flyers
Gonzaga College
Coach Alan FergusMoen's future is in doubt following another questionable display from The Flyers. Failing to notice the difference in conditions between our training ground and the venue i.e. the grass was short and the ground was flat and hard, he sent out a seasoned team assuming they knew what to do. Recalling games from the past, The Flyers proceeded to ship a generous 17 runs in the very first innings, which was ultimately their undoing. Before the team took the field in the second, he advised the team to "play better and stop more balls". This revolutionary concept was taken to heart, but it was too late. The final score tells us it would have been a considerably tighter game if Coach FergusMoen hadn't skipped Coaching For Dummies, Chapter One "How to Play Good" in favour of Chapter Two "How to Look Good". But we suspect he only got the book in the first place because of the comedy porn-star beard that came free with it.

FergusMoen's first reaction after the game was to claim the team couldn't see each other in their green kit because they blended in with the green grass. When the laughing died down he tried to blame fixture congestion, last week's tough 1-1 draw against Charlton and the recent lack of human sacrifices. Eventually we accepted the time honoured "My dog ate the real team" as it takes the burden of blame from us and transfers it to an imaginary animal that is also known to be responsible for forcing Ebbsy to "eat all the pies".

Sacrifice of the Game: Adrian for politely not coming on, thereby preventing things from getting any worse. Which sounds like laziness on his part, because it would have taken a lot of hard work to do that.
Meaning of Life: 42

***City Edition*** Betty got his homework in late, but it's here now. I think he was at the tea again.

Week 6 Wednesday 13/06/01 Big Al's Flyers 7 - 0 Kiely's Kegs

Kiely's Kegs proved to be a barrel of laughs by getting news of their non-appearance to us as we assembled for the game. So we get a walkover. Rather than phone around and telling our yet-to-appear team mates to not bother, those in attendance at the time bitterly phoned around and told our yet-to-appear team mates to hurry up. We trained instead, which was a good idea, since it looks like we're going to be promoted as champions without playing another game.

Picture of the Week: This is the internet and all... here's some Nekkid Birds.
Question of the Week: Adrian, really, what did you do with the opposition?

Week 3 Rescheduled Monday 18/06/01 Stanley Warriors 17 - 16 Big Al's Flyers

#12When the original schedule was drawn up this game was meant to be played the same night as the UEFA cup final. Last night's game saw many similarities with the third leg of Liverpool's historic treble. Firstly a great fight back meant the winning margin was the same in both cases. And neither of the winning teams wore green. Spooky? But the biggest coincidence of all perhaps is that neither the UEFA cup final nor this game was played in St. Anne's Park. A diet of pork pies and beers at the NST over the weekend lead to our downfall as Betty couldn't run the bases fast enough to beat the tag at home and get that two-out homer in the bottom of the last. Warriors batted well to lead 16-7 by the middle of the 5th. It would have been more if the Flyers weren't executing run-downs better than a Nordie-reg Toyota twin-cam in a Salthill car-park on a Bank Holiday weekend. Then a few walks, infield errors and 2 RBIs by the switch-hitting Fiona Mac brought us to within one run by the end of the 6th and into Banzai territory.

Groom-of-the-Year: Robbie Murphy with 5 runs for the Warriors, including a HR in the 7th that eventually decided the game.
Devally's Devastating Moment: Adrian's animations would take up about twenty pages of StikiVision™ pictures as he ran between first and second in a squeeze play with no-one bar the excited Flyers bench and 3B coach aware that he had yet to tag up on the caught fly ball. Finally Warriors ended the chaos by overthrowing first. We quickly turned the Devally baby's buggy around to face away from the game.

Week 7 Friday 22/06/01 Marlay Martyrs B 12 - 8 Big Al's Flyers
Pembroke Cricket Club

Mission Report, Stardate 22601:
The USS Flyers, while on a routine search for alcohol in the Neutral Zone, encountered a contingent of Mar-Tors from Marlay B. After scaring away a superior force of Mar-Tors from Marlay A in the continuing Cup Campaign earlier on in this five-month mission, the crew had reason to be confident. The forces, while normally satisfied to coexist in separate TemporaLeague Divisions, engaged in what subsequently turned out to be a situation engineered by the cruel overlords of Ai'Beehesshef. Captain Betty deployed his people in an unconventional Batting Twelve formation. After some inconclusive skirmishing, the order was given to unleash the Flyers big guns, but something in the arena had neutralised our main weapons systems. Primary defensive systems also went on the blink, with Lt. Deano being cruelly burned twice, his own Overhead-Swipe attack being used against him by Gingerburd Mar-Tor. Although Ensign Erin managed to get three Photon Triples away, it really wasn't enough. The Outfield Engine was spluttering badly, and in the final inning comm systems were down when Cap'n B ordered us to set Bats to Whop Seven. The USS Flyers managed to limp away to Starbase NearBar and get started on important Excuse and Whinge duties, for which we have been in advanced training recently.
End Log.

Game of the Week: Can you rearrange these letters to see who we're blaming for the defeat? ADRILLY DEVAAN
Time of the Month: Forget it, I've got a headache.

Week 8 Wednesday 04/07/01 Big Al's Flyers 8 - 6 Diamond Dogs
See The Flyers. See The Dogs. Hit the ball, Dogs! Run Dogs, run!!! Adrian sees the ball. He does not catch the ball. Burned baby, burned. Now The Flyers hit the ball. They hit the ball far. That is good. Sometimes they don't hit the ball. That is bad. Mostly The Flyers run faster than the Dogs. Sometimes The Dogs do not get to run at all. This makes The Flyers happy. When The Flyers run fast and The Dogs do not run anywhere, The Flyers win. Hooray for The Flyers!

Fair Play Award: To Adrian, for allowing a homer scoring three, which made a game of it.
Devally's Devastating Moment (nominated by #12): Guest Star: Ebbsy.
Runners on 3 and 2 with no outs. Clarkie? Hits to the SS?? Ebbsy comes off third base to give the SS something to think about. He thinks about throwing the ball to 3B who tags out Ebbsy. 3B coach Deano who'd lost his place to Ebbsy offers some comfort.

Week 9 Wednesday 11/07/01 Renegades 8 - 18 Big Al's Flyers
Fresh from the terraces:

We are the team in Green,
The best you've ever seen,
We've just made history,
The fifth league victory!

We've had to wait 'til now,
Big Al has shown us how,
What happenned to the Renegades team?
They've been stuffed by the Team in Green...

...and you'll say Flyers! Flyers!
Junior's the short stop.
Flyers! Flyers!
All Ebbsy's hits were rot.
Flyers! Flyers!
Bro's throw to three - great stuff.
But Renegades! Renegades!
Their coach left in a huff.

Oh My God, They Didn't Kill Kenny!: Adrian played a gratefully inconspicuous role when he came on, with the exception of going through Fi to take a catch she had called. At least he held it.

#12 The Price of Victory: Plate of chips in Beaumont House: £1.95; Basket of chips in ALSAA: £1.50.
Moral: Win your home games.
The Joy of (Twenty-) six: 26oz Johnny Five was back in favour last night after the Suspect's Blitz and play
ed like an 11th man. Or tenth man if you take into account Cora going 0 for 4 and not touching the ball at all in RF and might as well have not turned up. OK she got one walk.

Week 10 Wednesday 18/07/01 Slammers P - P Big Al's Flyers

. Will be played on Monday, 13th August.

Week 11 Wednesday 25/07/01 Big Al's Flyers 6 - 22 Stanley Warriors

#12 THORN APART BESIDE THE ROSE GARDEN. This was bad. We threw it away on errors and miserable batting and the more we tried the worser we got. A bright start saw HRs by Tony and Junior bring in 4 runs in the first innings. Then we let them bat and that was a mistake. A 3 RBI double by Mary Lowe helped them lead 10-6 after 3 innings. We scored zip in the 4th, got the first two batters out but then let 4 score and our heads dropped. Our batting for the rest of the game didn't happen, between the 4th and the 7th we went through the order with 10 outs in a row. Maybe training would help. Or keeping our heads. Or not giving walks. Or throwing the ball accurately. Or hitting properly. Or if they'd only screwed up like they nearly did last time.

Quote of the day: Yeah I reckon she played for the Finnish national team about the same time I did.


Nerd Corner - The Mathematics of the Run-in:
Dean Duz Sumz

Week 12 Wednesday 01/08/01 Big Al's Flyers 7 - 11 Rescon Blazzers

In an effort to overhaul the team at a fundamental level, Coach Betty last week attempted to follow the lead of division leaders such as the Blazzers and Marlay Martyrs B. Predictably then, his match report was a dull affair focussing on facts and stats. Even worse, not only did he praise some of our own players, an honourable mention went to one of the opposition. Prior to that, a postponed game was announced by the simple word 'Postponed', and any attempt at ranting on an unrelated topic was avoided.

Clearly his efforts did not have the desired effect. In an underperformance of the century, we lost. While we Flyers don't want to descend to the bitter name-and-blame level of the Slammers' match reports, it can't be denied that telling it like it is has more entertainment value than patting on the back. Also, attempting to not be rubbish is, technically, an easier goal to attain than excelling and being noted for that. So with that in mind, here is an assessment of Wednesday's starting 10:

Launch StikiVision©

The Hunchback of Leftfield: Clarkie came over all eco-Quasimodo, wailing "The Trees! The Trees!" as the trajectory of himself, the ball and the outfield perimeter trees rapidly came to intersection. Fortunately, he took his eye off the ball in a supreme effort of self preservation and lived to be burned again. Ball and Tree also survived.
Virgin of the Week: Marian got very hot and flustered but kept her nerve and went all the way to first base.

Week 13 Friday 17/08/01 Big Al's Flyers 11 - 15 Marlay Martyrs B
Pembroke Cricket Club

- Story Bud?
- Ah buzzin. Story yourself?
- Yeah buzzin... Eh whats the jackanory on the gender blitz?
- Gender blitz? Ah maybe 8th September. Ya goin?
- Ah yeah. Deadly. The punch and all tha... Eh ya goin to Cork?
- Cork? Ay yeah. Tree nights. Cork’s deadly.
- Three nights? Deadly. Deadly buzz Cork.
- Yeah deadly buzz Cork.
- Eh d’ya play Marlay?
- Yeah. Lost 15-11.
- Ah shite.
- Ay yeah. But we were down 13-1 so feck it.
- Erin play?
- Yeah, she was buzzin. Erin’s deadly. Burned that guy in left field again.
- Wha? The one she burned tree times last game? Deadly.
- Yeah deadly.
- Wha’s the jackanory on the cup?
- *£*(&?{: @{££&^^%£*$~:{:£&^£%*£&@
- Wha? The IBSF or Marlay?

Week 10 Rescheduled Monday 20/08/01 Slammers 8 - 11 Big Al's Flyers
Many seasons ago in the year of the Pig two young apprentices Du Lan and Di Noh left the AL-SAA temple and travelled south to teach the ancient arts of Ba Ting and Ka Ching to a group of young warriors. Their students were eager and learned well. Du Lan and Di Noh saw their work was done and left. Master Qe Li came from over the seas to visit the young team and they prospered. Qe Li left this year and the team started to suffer defeats under their new leader Ra Yo.

Last night by the Great Wall the now aged group engaged in combat with their ancient masters from AL-SAA. In 7 battles of Pi Ching Di Noh faced the one they called Ma Gu and was victorious. The fiercesome Ma Tan Lon who left AL-SAA when Du Lan and Di Noh were novices was not happy. Governess Qo Ra positioned her female warriors on the flanks far from battle where Fi Yo Nah excelled. The young Er Yin tried a new form of Ba Ting but needs to practice this more. Doh Lan played well and even though we were missing Ha Li Song and Qon Lon the females from the north were too strong. Wal Chi tried hard for the group from the south but against the forces holding the bat of green destiny they could not succeed. The group from AL-SAA fired the dart of purple yen and marched the path of victory through Du Wan forest to eternal glory.

Week 14 Wednesday 22/08/01 Kiely's Kegs 14 - 18 Big Al's Flyers
Herbert Park
It was a bright evening. It was a slow game. Invalided Coach Betty, ever in touch with what's going on in the field, makes some changes. Right-Centre "Where Does A Shortstop Stand?" Ian swaps with Shortstop "Reaction Catch Only" Junior. Leftfield "I Can't Throw To First" Ger changes with Third-Base "Natural Third Baser" Ebbs. Clever switches? The team was dumbstruck. The response was muted. Shortstop "What Was Betty Thinking?" Ian trades places with First-Base "At Least SHE Knows What She's Up To" Erin. Effectiveness was crippled. Lame decision. Deaf-initely a poor move. Kegs get better. Yvonne, oblivious to everyone else's bad game, cripples the comeback with a good catch in rightfield. It was blindingly obvious to everyone that the team should be put back where they belong. Betty has a stroke of genius and the team reverts. The Flyers limp home...

Final Standings

Team Played Won Lost W/O Points
Rescon Blazzers 14 12 2 0 64
Marlay Martyrs B 14 11 3 0 61
Stanley Warriors 14 11 3 0 61
Big Al's Flyers 14 7 7 0 49
Slammers 14 5 9 0 43
Renegades 14 5 9 0 43
Diamond Dogs 14 4 10 0 40
Kiely's Kegs 14 1 11 2 27

5 Points for a win, 2 for a loss and 0 for a walkover.


Cup -

Sunday 08/04/01 Troops 8 - 15 Big Al's Flyers
Qualifying Round
Another season, another win. The Flyers came out batting and showed the Troops exactly who their Daddy is. Fair play to the Flyettes for their more-consistent-than-the-blokes batting. This 5 and 5 thing might work for us. Before anyone protests, I will point out that James was consistent in hitting into the same fielder's glove over and over, and Junior fluked a couple of homers when he wasn't hitting high and foul.

Play of the Game: Troops' 3B sneaking his Kaptain Kombat bedsheet onto the field, which was far more useful than a glove could ever be when stopping those pesky ground balls.
Worst excuse: Fiona for her attempt to take third before touching first and second. "I thought we were still playing the Suspects", referring to the reverse game played with our comrades in alcohol. Fi, if you're still pissed, admit it and be proud.

Sunday 08/04/01 Big Al's Flyers 5 - 3 Beachers
Qualfiying Round
Game called off under mysterious circumstances. They'd probably be less mysterious if I had stayed around to watch. Fortunately, it was the opposition who cracked in the damp conditions and conceded the game.

Name of the Rose: Starring Sean Connery and Christian Slater.
Best excuse: Clarkie before doing a runner before the game started but as the rain got heavier: "I've got stuff to do".

Wednesday 18/04/01 Big Al's Flyers 7 - 0 Marlay Martyrs A
Round X
#12 "CUP SHOCK!! BIG AL'S MAKE MINCEMEAT OF MARLAY! The romance of the IBSF Cup lived on last night in a cool windy ALSAA as the Flyers inflicted a medium-rare defeat on the Martyrs". This is just one of the possible outcomes of the match if Marlay had turned up and the game had gone ahead. Yes, the same Martyrs who took a walkover over the Flyers in 1994. From their website today: "Marlay A begin their Cup Journey... Marlay A will take to the field against Big Als Flyers in their first game of the season. The Cup game which is scheduled for Tuesday 17th April, will be held in the Flyers home ground in ALSAA". The game was then switched to Wednesday which meant their girls would have returned from RSA in time for the game. This must have been a nice surprise for the Marlay men who told us the girls were due back on the 19th.

Play of the Week: Betty's diplomatic feint and dodge of the play-or-postpone issue, allowing the impetuous and cruel Junior to demand a Marley appearance or face the consequences.
It's a bit late for that: "I hope this decision does not cause any ill feeling between us" - an extract from Junior's negative reply to Marlay's request for a postponement.

Wednesday 16/05/01 UPDATE
Round 2.74?
For the second round running, The Flyers have been given a bye. So our record so far in the cup reads:
Is someone trying to send us a message?

Wednesday 08/08/01 Big Al's Flyers P - P Marlay Martyrs A
Quarter Finals

They came, they saw our defiance, but it was piddling down so we split. Which is a pity. Having purchased two new bats (half of which Tony has already broken), our confidence was at an all-season high. We dismissed all but the minimum nine players, so sure were we that we could see off the rabble from Marlay (extra blokes stayed because of the chance of mudwrestling). Unfortunately, this angered the Rain Gods. They who control The Wet And The Banging And The Flashing made their displeasure clear, and Shaman Betty divined their wrath from the unclement conditions. The last thing we'd want is for the Heavens to strike down one of the opposition to make a point, so we'll have to come out and do it another day with a full team.

Shock of the Day: Junior didn't put in an impression of Scrappy-Do: "BRING 'EM ON!!! I'LL TAKE 'EM MESELF IF I HAVE TO etc...
Did You Know?: A child's got more bones than a grown-up's got.

The Quarter-Final Verdict: Walkover to Marlay - And here is the reasonable Editorial Comment.

Blitzes -

Cork Blitz, 25/26 August 2001.

Special Guest Report: Penned by Internationally Ignored author Cora Burke, The Flyers are proud to present The Corkese Falcon.

The Usual Suspect's Blitz, 7th July 2001.

Dull, Concise Report: So much for our self-styled loveable loser image - we won the plate section of the Usual Suspect's Blitz. But not for a want of not trying. After a 2-2 record from the group stages, we went all unconventional and played nearly everyone out of position at some stage in the plate. With a 3-0 record we qualifed for the the final against the hosts, but they rightly decided that food was more important, fired up the barbie and handed us the trophy.