2008 Fixtures, Results And Reports

Management Union talks at critical point The annual pre-season press release...

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Flyers League Season - Premier Division

Week 1.
22 Apr 08. Oddsox Green 17 - 0 Flyers
Greenhills Pk, 7pm.
Faraway Hills are not Green.
If we said that we lost 17-0 partly because it was pouring rain in Tullamore would anyone believe us?? At the end of the Start of Season blitz someone told Yemi we were finished now and we had no more games. Which she took to mean there was no more softball this year... Did she miss the START of season bit? So it was too late to re-arrange work when the call went out on Monday, she was working til after 6 and still hadn't got out of Offaly by 7.
Cora leads the team stats in double plays with 2 on the night.
Against her.
Devally's Devastating Moment: By stopping on third base with one out and Caroline and Betty to bat Adrian's faith in his teammates ability to get him home leaves us on zero at the end of the sixth.
Caroline's Blonde Moment: 'Ebbsie didn't walk anyone on Sunday. You'll have competition for the bowling this year Betty.' Four seasons into her career and Caroline still hasn't a clue what the game is about. Compounds the error by turning up with chocolate 'cheap' cookies from one of those Ladildy shops that the Polish people go to.
Debutants of the day: Canadian Darcy and Maine man Brian are the official new boys. Always-late-for-the-Slammers Elaine D turns up at 6.40 to make her Flyer debut.
Devally's Devastating Moment 2: They both want one - how greedy can you get? Allison runs in and holds onto a catch in LF even as she is mown over by SS Brian (no stupid, not Ebbsie. Duh.) who was running out. Call it guys if it's yours.

Week 2.
29 Apr 08. Flyers 12 - 15 Batpak
ALSAA, 7pm.
Flyers douze runs.
Following their drubbing last week the Flyers hired some interior designers to give a makeover to not only the team and how they played but also to the location location location in north county Dublin where their work would be unveiled to the public and ultimately judged.
The first waster, Franck Ponse, told them his concepts, while ultimately contemporary, would include classic design elements. So that’s good then? He had wanted to stay away from traditional designs and introduce wow factors but the ISA rules curtailed him somewhat. ‘I started with a blank canvas and explored the whole meaning of ‘diamond’ in Celtic Tigerland but the bling didn’t go down well. I don’t feel the hayseeds running softball out here in the sticks are ready for my progressive designs’ he added stroppily, like it was our fault he couldn't get a real job.
Bairbre Upperownass describes her taste as ‘cutting edge, classic, mixed with luxury.’ She likes to have a sense of flow in her designs. ‘I believe in attention to detail and have a passion for unique accessories. Look at me – Hello! I’m using a torn rubber mat as a pitching plate! And it only cost me 150 euros at a carboot sale. I am SO out-there’. Finnish designer Kikikiiimiki Helsinki said her inspiration for this project came from elements in nature and would be drawing on its shape, form, colour and texture. ‘I like to use natural materials when possible and see colours in nature as a great palette to work from, allowing you to combine natural tones with bolder shades in different lights’. Being unable to string three sentences together without saying contempory the LSD-graduate added ‘My final design will be versatile and contempory, traditional yet timeless. I also need a good seeing to.’
So the groundsman’s remit was to create ‘a modern and contemporary venue with a chic 20th century classic design influence’. He believed that grass-green is the colour of 2008 and used this liberally in his showfield. Smart white baselines created an overall classic look with a sense of style and sophistication. In the infield he wanted to create a homely welcoming ambiance. The new chicken wire on the backstop would create energy by allowing air and light flow through. The outfield would juxtapose the tight infield by being cut longer to form one natural border while an arc of trees would complete the elegant setting. ‘Not bad on a zero budget’ he said with a self satisfied smugness.
And so to the game. ‘We saw the team as Modern Irish with an International Influence, and wanted to harness the synergy into an ergonomical unit that generated interest and depth’ was what two more of these chancers, partners Trevor Nobb and Jacquiline Allthat, enthused. ‘We had a unique mix of old and new, and by weaving a few touches into the batting order and positioning we could create an exciting and contempory line-up with a modern twist.’
And that folks is how Adrian played 2B, Sichul played SS from short centre, we sneaked around the bases and did a bit better than last week. But when asked for his verdict after the game Limerick-based softball analyst Ian Clarke was less than impressed. 'Fuggit. Whatever happened a bit of DIY and hard graft?' he asked. 'The Flyers would be better off turning up to training and finding a batting coach for one session than being hoodwinked with this nonsense. Energies this and contempory that.'
Devally's Devastating Moment: With runners on one and two Adrian hits to left field and speeds around 1B without noticing Cora was stopped on 2. So after running 65 feet by three he ends up just about safe back on 1.
Carolines Counterfeit Cookies: : Don’t know why she couldn’t go to a real shop instead of one of those Addeldy’s. Superquinns have the real deal for under a euro, it’s in a Euroshopper packet. It’s made in Holland where it has a funny Dutch name, half covered in chocolate and has a picture of an old ship on the chocolate. And it’s perfect. You could tell this was a fake by looking at it, but the proof was in the taste. Poor effort. No stars.
Debutants of the day: Yemi can get here this week for her first game and the Slammers other Elaine makes 10.

Week 3.
13 May 08. Flyers 4 - 31 Dodder Dynamoes
ALSAA, 7pm.
Another week, another infield, another defeat.
Sichul and Darcy keep looking on the bright side of life and offer encouragement while Betty has a rant and gets 20 lines. Next time it’s 100 and no cut-n-pasting...
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
I will not act the curmudgeon when we make a few errors and are getting hammered.
Devally's Devastating Moment: Bottom of the 4th, score is 27 runs to zero to them and we are heading for our third shutout in five 7-innings games. Then Caroline gets to 1 safely. Betty drives one straight into third base’s glove. Lee, who is down to watch the game, has gone over to talk to first base coach Ebbsie and is standing in foul territory. Third base throws it to 1 even though Caroline has hardly stepped off the base. First base misses it but helpful Lee sticks out his foot and kicks it back to her, preventing the ball going dead for an overthrow that would have moved Caroline to 3.

Week 4.
20 May 08. Renegades 25 - 5 Flyers
St Annes Pk, 7pm.
Infielderallison Nolan’s Kingdom of the Crystal ball.
She’d said before that she had had her last crusade – but she’s back for more adventure. This time her nemesis is Cliriodhna Sharpo and her gang of evil Rednegades agents. The prize at stake – Premier domination, but only if they can find the mysterious crystal softball and return it to their kitbag to unleash it’s magical powers.
Professor Nolan teams up with a young biker and some of her old pals and they head off to the deepest remotest part of St Annes on their quest. She’s cracking her whip trying to get them to work together but it never does go quite the way they want it to, constantly coming up against brick walls and the more the game goes on the more it looks like they are stuck in another temple of doom.
The baddies are relentless. One onslaught from a South American native sees Ebbsie disappear into the jungle in left field looking for the ball where he’s chased back out by giant ants. We all gasp when Nolans hand is hurt in right field evading a 12 inch boulder that came rushing at her but our hero refuses to give in and bravely fights on. A swashbuckling performance at the top of the sixth leaves us breathless with excitement and we cheer loudly when Ebbsie strikes Cliriodhna out. But when she gets home on her next at-bat in the same innings after an unnecessary throw we know we’ve seen it all before, there’s nothing new here and the game’s as lost as an ark. Still its great to seem them able to do it again at their age. Hats off to the Reddygades.
Devally's Devastating Moment: Darcy pops one miles high a little behind 3B and a foreign-type shortstop goes over to take it. I don’t know Cuban or one of those countries that’s meant to be good at baseball. Darcy stops his heading towards 1. Then the SS only goes and drops it, Darcy starts running again. The throw comes in – overthrow! Darcy is safe! And on 2. Canada 1, American countries good at baseball nil.

Week 5.
27 May 08. Marlay Martyrs 16 - 15 Flyers
Marlay Park, 7pm.
A: 4-0-0-5-0-2-4-0-0=15
H: 2-2-5-2-0-3-1-0-1=16
Celebrity Slammers Score.
Flyers Productions scores again with a gas new idea for a reality TV show airing this summer on Arty ETV. We take two non-sporty Slammers celebrities and throw them in at the deep end each week as they play for a Premier Division softball team from outside their native county. By combining the raw passion of grassroots Leinster League softball with the glamorous world of celebrity (Irish-style) we hope to create a home-grown family entertainment show that’s sure to prove as popular as any other that has gone before, such as the one where the boat crashed. Promising drama both on and off the field the softballers gain a rare chance to showcase their lack of talent on de telly while for the celebrities it’s another chance to be on de telly more and get to learn how to play ball the Flyers way.
TV critic and Limerick-based softball analyst Ian Clarke slammed the programme makers and national broadcasting authorities for wasting license payers money once again on more reality tv that’s nothing like reality. In a letter to Arthur Murphy he wrote ‘Do these talentless halfwits have no shame? Standing around in a wet field wearing a big glove and chasing a ball. I suppose we should be thankful there’s no public vote. I won’t be wasting my time watching it. Not when the other Irish station TV a Trí has quality such as ‘Britain’s Fattest Teenage Grandparents’ on at the same time.
Helping our own celebrity bainisteoir Senor Ebbsie (who has previously managed Formula 1, MLB, NFL, La Liga and Premiership teams in the one PS session) this week’s celebs were bon-vivant to the stars and lapdog to the ISA Paul McGrath representing PRC of Cork (Boy), and Yes to Lisbon campaigner and EU Presidency hopeful Elaine W from somewhere else. Turning up early scored Elaine some quick points while McGrath's immediate demand for a Flyers top and rain jacket soon had him in the bad books. Once he relaxed his kacks and started pitching the game got very exciting, then dull, then exciting again when Elaine got home on her RF hit and Magoo caught a ball hit back at him, then frustrating, dull for a bit and exciting at the end. To see who comes out on top and will be invited back by the Flyers don’t forget to tune in on Sunday at 6.30 pm.
Devally's Devastating Moment: Nothing to top last weeks off-site DDM Wednesday evening while guesting for the Slammers that has left Adrian at home minding the kids. Brian deviated a bit from the flight path and Blazzers ATC had to bring him in safely in time for the second innings (thanks Ruth and Dermot). Betty was busy in the outfield but catching nothing so, with 2 outs in the bottom of the seventh and scores tied, when a long high hit was sent to RF he shouted ‘mine’ and ran over. Rightfielder Mary who was having a rough time thought it was closer to her but such was her night she wasn’t calling him off. And she watched the ball come her way. And she saw Betty go in under it. So she stayed still, stuck up her glove, caught it and saved Betty a John Terry-style DDM.

Week 6.
10 Jun 08. Flyers 4 - 9 Sluggers
ALSAA, 7pm.
The Start of Something New? or 'Must this show go on?'
Coach ‘Jack’ Ebbs flipped his nut after the game tonight but it wasn’t only the amount of fly-balls the Flyers hit that upset him. It turns out that star-player ‘Troy’ Burns had being duping him. Turns out his claims that work commitments and course-work deadlines were preventing him turning up training weren’t quite true, and that Burns had been secretly attending first auditions, and then rehearsals for a musical in his old school. He got a clue when he heard Troy singing something new in the showers after last week’s game. But also at these Secondary School Musical rehearsals, while claiming she had to travel home at the weekend and couldn’t train, was Mary Montez who it turns out has a secret crush on Troy!
Coach had a big set-to with Miss Darcybus the drama queen who he feels has dragged Troy away from softball, saying ‘he’s not gettin’ his head in the game no more’. Also furious with what is going on is 12-graders Sharpoline Walsh and Chico Benford who have their own musical ambitions and are determined to stop Troy following his new dream and get him back on the softball team for the championship game.
They went as far as switching training to Monday evening one week so it would clash with the music rehearsals. Mary turned up but Troy didn’t and Mary sang that she preferred it when it was just the two of them the way they were. 'Sharpy' told coach Ebbs that she should be playing outfield instead but he wouldn’t listen and gave her another chance. Then nerdy Taylor McKora tried to get Mary involved in the tag-rugby team too saying softball involved too much driving but all the tag-rugby was on in ALSAA.
Finally the rest of the non-sporty people tried to stop them by blocking the road to the pitch but the Flyercats managed to come up with a plan which meant the game could go ahead with Troy and Mary playing together in the outfield. ‘We’re all in this together and we’re going to stick to the status quo unless someone messes up’ Troy and Montez sang before the game, after Ms Darcybus announced they had the left side of outfield lead roles and Sharpy and Ben were to be infield understudies. Sharpy told Mary to ‘break a leg out there’. In a nice luvvy way of course. ‘It’s the start of something new’ the whole team chimed, ‘a win is what we are looking for’ and even coach Ebbs was converted by this stage.
In the Hollywood version Troy scored a two-out, bottom-of-the-last, grand slam home run to win the game and there was a great Flyer School Musical finale. In the off-Broadway amateur production that we live and sing in we lost again and were booed off stage.
Yo chips: Cora, who earlier urged the team to give their #1 to ‘Don’t Know’ and then vote 2 and 3 to Yes or No in order of their own preference in the Lisbon election, at least grabbed a taste of victory by joining the Sluggers in the bar afterwards while the rest of us exited stage right.
DDM: 3-6 down, fifth inning, and Tony and Mary’s rediscovery of their batting form which puts two on with no outs coincides with golden-bat nominees Betty and Elaine W getting stage fright and all means we don’t close the gap. Worries about what would happen our working arrangement with the Slammers when we end up in Division 1 were allayed however after they in turn set sail for Division 2.

Week 7.
17 Jun 08. Blazzers 24 - 11 Flyers
Eamonn Ceannt Park, Stanaway Rd/Sundrive Rd, 7pm.
Note the venue, was written here long ago after a Blazzer alerted me..
Guest Reporter: Cora.
A curious anomaly in the heart of the Tardis landed Dr. Ebbsie (Who?) and his glamorous assistants – the Flyers – on a parallel earth, where the Cyber-Blazzers don’t play in Stanaway park, but miles away on what could haven been another planet such was the north side Flyers geographic knowledge of the south side.
Having climbed the sheer cliffs that lead to the top-of-the-word pitch, Dr. Ebbsie (Who?) and the Flyers discovered 3 new never seen before Flyers on the team. Initial confusion as a result of one of them being called “Cory” lead to hilarious misunderstandings when batting line-ups and positions are called out, such as “How can one person play right centre and first base?” followed by both players grabbing the same bat when the batting line up is called out.
Local Dalek Patrick officiated the game, with a strike zone that appeared to cross over into other dimensions – including under the plate. A quick adjustment of the bats with Dr. Ebbsie’s sonic spanner soon got the Flyers hitting underway to take an early lead.
The alien metrological conditions on this planet affected the Flyers concentration, when both blinding sun and heavy rain were experienced on the pitch at the same time. Concluding it was the work of the evil Cyber-Blazzers, the Flyers fought harder than ever to win the game. However, the reverse temporal shift caused by the Cyber-Blazzers had the opposite effect on the Flyers attempts, as they harder they tried – including Cory the fast-pitch softballer managing to slow down his swing, Cora successfully stopping an overthrow with her un-gloved hand, Ebbsie eventually managing to throw a few strikes and Caroline playing a blinder and catching anything that came near her in left field - the more runs the Cyber-Blazzers scored.
A late batting comeback at the top of the 7th saw the Flyers claw their way into double digits, but the Cyber-Blazzers evil ways were too much for Dr. Ebbsie and the Flyers. Normality was restored when the Flyers lost, the 3 alien Flyers disappeared and Dr. Ebbsie set the Tardis for home.

DDM: Ebbsie, warping past Stanaway Park at the speed of light at 6:20 when he had promised to be there for 6:30 and would wait to direct lost Flyers to the new Blazzers home ground.
Debutants of the Day: Steve, Nicole and Cory Slammer.
Foreign phrase of the day: “Le supermarche est sur le premier base!” Cora plays 1.

Week 8.
24 Jun 08. Flyers 14 - 16 Oddsox Green
ALSAA, 7pm.
Flyerman II
Carolince Chase is a hot young softballer, set for Premierwood stardom. She hangs with her entourage of childhood buddies from Coolock: Ally DeVallarama, her half-sista who has her own softball aspirations; Cortle, the party animal who is trying to secure a deal for her band, Da Aie Rich Saipportas; and Maric, her confidant, who is learning the rules of the game as she tries to help Carolince make the right choices. They are there to help her along the highs and lows of tinseltown’s fast lane. There’ll be money to be made, more chips than she can shake a drumstick at, temptations everywhere, plus a few dangers, but there’ll be lots of fun too.
Carolince Chase wanted a urgent meeting with Brii Cold, her self-declared high-powered agent. She missed out on the big-budget Ireland call-back and needs to get her name out there again. I mean like she hasn’t even been stalked by the scary and mysterious blondie since the first day of the season. The studio were impressed with her in Flyerman 1B and were prepared to offer her some Lidalda biscuits to do 2B. They gave her a sweetener of some kind of crisp knockoffs which she used to swap for fancy cars for Cortle and DeVallarama. But Chase and DeVallarama had a secret Meddlin’ project that clashed with the big bosses plans and Brii wasn’t too happy with Maric who couldn’t convince her to listen to him instead and stick on third.
Eventually the studio bosses decided Carolince’s demands for proper brand-name biscuits from a real supermarket were exorbitant and said she couldn’t do Flyerman 2B, leaving Brii to find a new position for her. He met a really really strange old dude called Bob Magoo who offered Carolince a part in a new biopic of her favourite band EVER Slayers. *SPOILER* Brii and Magoo couldn’t reach agreement, so rather than being sedated Carolince was fed up and Maric told Brii she was firing him. Cortle meanwhile went shoe-shopping for some fancay new Mamakuki cleats. In a last ditch effort to keep Carolince Brii told her and DeVallarama that he’d listen to their Meddlin’ ideas and even if she couldn’t get the Flyerman 2B role he’d look after her good. Real good.
In episode 8 screened tonight ahead of Peak Practice and Grey’s Anatomy guest appearances by Lee and Darcy at the plate nearly seal the deal after a wet n wild delay to the game. Flyerwood’s top A-list players graced the field in a star-studded evening that again failed to deliver the happy ending, but the critics give it a 4.5 star rating.
DDM: Betty and his delusions of speed. Starting from 1 Betty gets safely to 2 before the throw from 3 comes in low and passes the second baseman standing on the base. Betty sets off for 3. But RCF Gary bloody Sullivan (who never did this in his Flyers days) was backing up and soon Betty was in trouble. Three throws and a dive on the ground later he’s outta there.
Hot Inside Variety Gossip: Slammers Stars on Sunset Weekly might have agreed not to use her real name in case Cornell found out but we can exclusively reveal that Nicole Cheever is the new Flyerman 3B star. For a limited run only so see her soon.

Week 9.
01 Jul 08. BatPak 30 - 8 Flyers
St Annes Pk (Watermill Rd), 7pm.
Flyers 0-1-3-1-2-1-0
BatPak 20-2-0-0-1-7-X
It must have been the hunger. Caroline sez we play better without biscuits so won’t say what’s in the blue and yellow Lildi bag in her boot. At least Cora’s mammy served Betty a slice of Adaldy apple tart (excuse me it was Spor actually - Mrs Burko) when he called around for a pre-match tea. And Sichul provided some more pastries, I think there was dog there but it was well hidden. Mary Lennon was thinking about Southampton ever since her name appeared on the Ireland squad list released for the ESF championship next week, along with one mysterious ‘Thomas’ Walsh. Must have come as a True Lies shock to his missus. What other secrets are you hiding Stephen, if that is in fact your real name? Darcy was celebrating Canada Day by getting a tooth pulled and missed a treble-entendre opportunity after the game.
We start with a walk to give Ebbsie time to turn up and it doesn’t help.
Twenty runs.
Statman Betty uncharacteristically remains upbeat: there’s 6 innings left, we just have to outscore them by 3.5 runs an innings from here on in. It’s possible. Then it was 5 runs an innings with 4 innings to go. Still not impossible, not the way Nicole is batting with her fast-pitch baby giraffe leg stance. And the way best-man Tony is grabbing everything hit to left-centre. 8 runs an innings with 2 to go. Ok looking slightly less possible now. Mary and Allison have given up trying to make sense of the scoresheet. And finally we need to outscore them by 23 runs in the 7th. Not tonight baby.
You can take the man out of Marlay but you can't etc etc: Get over it. It is a contact sport, isn’t it? As the ump said ‘Naah you didn’t push him, not any more than they do in the big leagues.’ This is our big league. And the big guy is out, tagged at second when he comes off the base. Ump's call.
DDM: Ebbsie getting stuck behind some poor lady who had car trouble on the M50. So being a gentleman he got out to help right?
Stat Attax Extra: Before tonight’s floodgates opened the big computer in work showed the trend lines on our For/Against runs chart meant we’d start winning by game 11 of the season (Renegades at home). Runs for was (where X is the game number and Y the number of runs, pay attention now) Y=1.3X + 2.6, and runs against was Y=(-0.45)X + 21. Game 11 would be Flyers 17 Renegades 16. Nice one. But once tonight’s data was added and the big computer stopped whirring, flashing and crunching it spat out a little piece of paper that said we would have to play 25 more games before we won. No victory chips until Game 6 of Division 2 in 2010 so.
DDM2: Ben couldn’t believe his luck after the game when Big Red asked him was he her ride tonight. Tony was disgusted – he’d dropped her home last week and he didn’t get nothing. Americans are too funny. Like that one on the ISF message board looking for a team in Europe that describes herself as a ‘left-handed slapper’. Way. Too. Funny.
Good Luck: Steve T. Walsh & Ireland at the Europeans. Even if there's no ex-Flyer involved. No regrets this time eh? Do your best, and remember - knock out Slovenia and then nothing matters until Saturday. That's when you wanna peak.

Week 10.
15 Jul 08. Dodder Dynamoes 23 - 2 Flyers
Tymon Park, 7pm.
Mamma Mia it's so bad.
Allison and her friend Cora are planning Allison’s big day, the day when she manages the Flyers. Adrian would rather she waited a while but this is what she wants and she always gets her way. But, she still doesn’t know who is going to pitch. She reads through Cora’s stash of old scorebooks and concludes it has to be one of 3 guys. She asks them all can they play in Tymon Park this week without telling them or Cora what her real plans are.
There’s Ebbs, a burger flipper from Key West; Betty, a Spanish sailor; and Sichul, a Pakistani postman. All three of them turn up, and all three say thay can pitch. But she must choose one only. Cora and Adrian discover what she has done and are angry first but then have a few beers and chill.
Allison asks Sichul Voulez-Vous to pitch? But Ebbsie and Betty sing One of Us is pitching surly and a confused Sichul asks What’s the Name of the Game again? Allison finally decides and says to Ebbsie Knowing Me, Knowing You I’m going to Take a Chance on you if you want to start. I Do I Do I Do I Do says Ebbsie, the rest of the Flyers send out an SOS. A happy and cofident Derek Ward sits back to relax and hums the Winner Takes it All.
DDM: Sichul's missus rings him during the top of the fourth and Betty nearly grabs the chance to go in as short-stop at the swop-over.

Week 11.
22 Jul 08. Flyers 2 - 24 Renegades
ALSAA, 7pm. (Dublin Football time).
Now who would have predicted that?
So, magic 8-softball..
Will we have 9 players available? Flip it over. DO NOT SHAKE. Waaaiiittt...
Most likely. Woo-hoo!
Will we find a 10th player somewhere?
Better not tell you now
Right, with Ebbsie away and Adrian injured should Betty be manager?
Yes - definitely
Or should Allison and Caroline be allowed pick the team?
My sources say no
Or Ben?
Outlook not so good
Will it rain?
It is certain
Will we score?
Without a doubt
Will we win?
As I see it, yes
Will Sichul and Darcy get here in time?
Outlook not so good
Is that Marion?
Don't count on it
Should we claim there’s a ground rule mercy rule at ALSAA?
In Your Dreams
Should John Austin get a proper hair cut?
It is decidedly so
Eh why did Allison bring a pram?
Excuse me, that’s not a pram. It’s a baby’s travel system.
How do you spell Westphal?
And that’s not a yes/no question either.
Did Mary just put the flag on her car AFTER last Saturday’s win by Monaghan?
Most likely
Use the softer yellow ball for their big hitters, even if Pat Reddy might have an issue with it?
Do I Look Like I Care?
If all the players like Junior who used play for the Flyers and play for other teams now had stayed with us would we win the league?
Ask again later
Okay, apart from Dean, if all the other players who used play for the Flyers and play for other teams now had stayed with us would we win the league?
It’s 24-0, bottom of the last, 1 out, and Mary has burnt the outfield. She’s very fast, but they have good throws. Should we send her all the way home?
You may rely on it
Will we win ANY game this season?
Very doubtful
Are Alidili taking over the old Habitat shop on Stephen’s Green?
Ask again later
Will Dublin win Sam?
Outlook good
Should we go to the bar after the game this time?
Signs point to yes
Large bottle of cider, pint of ice?
Cannot predict now
Did Ebbsie really used to work as a fitness instructor?
Concentrate and ask again
So, the Polish barmaid?
Reply hazy, try again
Will we be home for Grey’s Anatomy?
Without a doubt
Are Izzy and George right for each other?
My reply is no

Mary saves the day by hitting a 1-out triple in the seventh, and scoring off Sichul’s single to earn the team run chips. When Allison swerves around the third baseman and is safe Sichul gets home to earn the team bonus cocktail sausages. Fatboy’s inspirational post is acknowledged.
DDM: We were kinda hoping that Caroline and Cora would mess up that pop-ball they both called for but they didn’t so all tonight’s potential DDMs were for the boys. Tony did look at strike 3 land outside the plate but Brian Reed should know better and gets his first DDM for not tagging up.
Quote of the Day: ‘The way I’m playing lately I couldn’t stop a train if it was coming at me’. Neither could we Junior. Give up that cider, it’s rotting your brain. Guinness is better for you.
Debutant of the day: There wasn’t one, even if half the team had never seen Marion before. Allison wasn’t able to register the new Jugs tossing machine (aka auto-Betty 2008) in time...

Week 12.
29 Jul 08. Flyers 12 - 22 Marlay Martyrs
ALSAA, 7pm
Down and out.
Due to the strike by the Hollywood writers guild there will be no report for this game.
The scripts for the last two episodes of the current season have not been written yet and studio bosses have yet to decide if a new season will be ordered should the strike continue.
DDM: Allison. For getting me into trouble in work when I did an image search for 'Jugs' and 'tossing' to see what this new auto-betty machine was about.

Week 13.
12 Aug 08. Sluggers - Flyers
Marlay Park, 7pm.
Game cancelled due to unplayable pitch.

Week 14.
19 Aug 08. Flyers - Blazzers
ALSAA, 7pm.
Game postponed due to pitches
Pity because Mrs Betty was going to come to the game to see this new machine that's replacing her husband. And to check if it has hoovering and ironing settings, and is capable of picking up it's own socks.

Week 13 re-sched.
26 Aug 08. Sluggers 13 - 12 Flyers
Marlay Park, 7pm.
Unlucky 13th.
"The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to win 1 game, that’s all
There must be sixteen ways to lose at softball

Just join a team of plebs, Ebbs
make an overthrow again, Ben
go to base-running school Sichul
and misfield the ball Westphal
Slip on your ar$e, Darce
You don’t bother the scorer, Cora
Look at strike 3, Tony
And injure your knee, Yemi

Just drive to Dún Laoire, Mary
don’t break into a sprint Clint
don’t throw the balls in Allison
and let em walk for free, Betty
You got no speed, Brain Reed
You can forget to call ‘Mine’, Caroline
Miss games 1, 2 & 3, Lee
And injure your knee Mr Devally.
DDM: We could blame Belfast, for waking up the sleeping Sluggers on Friday night and for making us tired. But I spose whoever it was didn't make the OF catch for the last out and let them score from 2 should get it. tagging up.

Week 14 re-sched.
2 Sep 08. Flyers 5 - 14 Blazzers
ALSAA, 6.45pm.
Ah well s*** happens.
Last time we won oil was fiddy cents a barrel and a semi-d in the commuter belt 150 km from Dublin cost 3 million yoyos. Now a barrel of oil is 3million and you can’t sell the house for 50c. Groundsman did a great job to get the pitch into any sort of playable conditions after all the floods so we were able to get the season finished.
Unless Betty can re-organise the whole league into 6-team northside and southside divisions and play over fewer weeks with less travel to compete with tag rugby we’ll be taking another dip into the crazy world of Leinster Div 1 next year. That’s if we find enough girls to field a team since the long-running Devally/Walsh wifeswap series must come to an end. Or we can hope Premier teams collapse as quick as US banks or European airlines.
DDM: Can't remember 1. The Blazzers batting stats will show you that we made errors all night. But they were just normal SNAFU errors. OK - DDM for anyone parking properly in the carpark and not leaving space for the footballers who then HAD to block us in as best they could.

The Cup 2008

Round 1.
6/7 May 08. 1Z Blazzers 4 - 16 Flyers
Stanaway Park, 7pm
Has anybody here seen Mary? M-A-single R-Y. Has anybody here seen Mary? Mary from the Emerald Isle!

The Cup. meh. Well Tony skips the league games but loves the Cup, turning up after a flight from a 3 night trip to Chicago and San Fran and a day in work. Mary cared enough to drive out the M50 but then decided to make a detour and drove straight back home via the city. But Betty summed it up by not bothering to get changed much and adopting a Bash Street Kid look.
Spose it was a nice end to the summer, a relaxed game out in Crumlin on probably the last sunny evening of the year. Not even a persistent dog invading the pitch and two other pups hitting a ball for him could get us riled. Anyway we’ve had enough of this cross-city M50 lark. Next year can we play northside league games on a Tuesday and have a couple of 2 or 3-match game days at the weekend on the southside. Can we? Huh?
Devally's Devastating Moment: Ebbsie sends directions to the pitch, based on Oddsox Green’s ground where we played last month. Except Mary wasn’t at that game and is last heard of somewhere in Rathgar.

Round 2.
3 Jun 08. Flyers 0 - 16 Marlay Martyrs
ALSAA, 7pm

No runs again. We did manage to get to third base tonight however, and beyond it even, when 3B coach Sichul sent Mary home not realising she is human, and visible.
Following this latest setback local pretend-Minister for Scran Serge Trevant appealed to Flyers management to show some initiative and ‘start using more spuds’. Speaking in Zagreb after a European conference to mark the UN’s International Year of the Potato (IYP), he lamented Flyers recent run of results and the consequent fall-off in sales of victory chips. ‘Today, at the end of ‘I-Say-Potatoes,-Euro-Say-Patatas,-Pommes-de-Terre,-Kartoflen-or-Ziemniakami-2008’ I am asking Mr Spud McEbbs to consider adopting ‘run chips’ rather than ‘victory chips’ as an incentive for his players. My hope is that under this new scheme after every game the Flyers score a run in, whether they win or not he will provide a basket of chips as a bonus. And it doesn’t even have to be chips per se.’
‘There is a lot more to Solanum tuberosum than chips – they could offer steamed new potatoes with a dollop of crème fraiche and chives, chillies or mint on the side, or simply served boiled with some butter melting on top and a scattering of chopped scallions.’
Watching on TV from the ALSAA kitchen Corina took a deep breath, folded her arms, and shook her head slowly. The Bucharest beauty then said something that sounded like ‘la nyba’ and laughed loudly. ‘Anytime these Flyers did win last year the players wanted food platters ha!, not a simple basket of chips. And, salud?, the funny guy that goes quare mad when there is some red sauce on one chip, if he saw butter melting on a dish full of taters he would gag altogether. It is all forte beena to suggest this, but this lot cannot even score 1 run this year, so multu mesc all the same but we still won’t be selling anymore chips than we are now.’
The falling demand for victory chips has forced farmers from Rush and other parts of north Fingal to announce plans to give away new potatoes free to the public at the farmer's market in Swords on Saturday morning. Calling for a No vote on Lisbon local farmer Grant Grant said such a vote would send out a clear message to people to get behind the Flyers and their quest for chips. Echoing the call for 'run chips' to alleviate the glut of potatoes on the roadside he admitted he had not read the Lisbon Treaty from cover to cover despite being idle for 10 months of the year.
Devally's Devastating Moment: RCF Ebbsie plays crafty shortfield in left-centre but leaves a big hole where he came from and un-Sporty Mel C hits straight into it.
Debutant of the Day: Flyers unearth an ancient Warrior but not even Eric the new Ireland assistant coach can help us this quickly.
Will someone think of the children: It's tough being a Marlay kid. Little six month old Catherine is forced to make her own way to the pitch via Daddys arms when her stroller is commandeered for use transporting a bucket of softballs.

Tournaments and Blitzes.

ISA Start of Season Blitz. 12 April 2008, ALSAA.
Learning to play again at the SOS Ball.
New boy Brian shows he's the Maine man with a couple of jaw-dropping catches on his debut v BatPak but we soon bring him down to our level. Yemi arrives with yet more kids. And FionaMc is welcome back when she steps in. Then Ebssie steps out. Game v Castletroy abandoned when their 2B gets a ball in her Dior sunglasses during a change of innings and is carted off in an ambulance. Clint steps in. Ben steps out and Adrian steps in after Dogs game. Fi steps out. Betty steps out after Blazzers game. Thanks to Sandra BatPak for starting against her own team, Lisa Marlay for playing against her Munster mates, and Blazzers for giving us a catcher. And a special thanks to our new partners the Slammers for having nobody available to join up with us and help us. More thanks to whoever stepped in and made up the numbers in our last two defeats to Renegades and Marlay but this reporter was in a much drier and warmer place by then. DDMs to anyone who hit or threw a ball into the ditch.

It all started to go wrong when Lee turned up at lunchtime having not been heard of so far this season. Once the start-time downpour finished we got through the rest of the day getting drier and warmer. With 3 wins, a tie against the Suspects, being murdered by Marlay and giving 1Z Blazzers their only win of the day (after the spanishy-type catcher had caught us ‘cheating’ playing 6&4) we found ourselves tired and dazed in the final of our blitz for the first time ever. And an injury to Cora meant she couldn’t even play in the final. We got doubly murdered by Marlay in the final 19-0 but we’ll blame the All-Sinner girl in the boat-race toss for that.
Thanks to Taz for playing for us all day and to Nadia for one game.

around the clock... Cora reports

Game 1 and Mr Lavery sets about beating up on Betty because he has been catching too many sky high pop-ups v Marlay. Even guest catcher Peter Mullen tried to make him drop one. The Betty 1-man show continued against the Renegades-not-that-youd-recognise-them. But thinking about it after if the runner had left 3B between the ball leaving the bat and reaching Betty’s glove he must have Olympic sprinter reaction speed. Lee puts on a crowd-pleasing display himself with his run-in, stop, oh-oh, and very high jump to grab the ball. Slammer Steve (soon to be known as Tommo) departs. The Lee’s-Got-Talent show continues when he backhands a catch playing as SS against Blazzers. The wet plastic pitch and bad base coaching leaves Darcy in a heap on the ground for an easy tag only made difficult by everyone left in the infield laughing so much. They still think we beat them??? Ebbsie arrives with his family just in time for lunch. A welcome game off after it gets today’s drinking off in earnest. Adrian arrives with someone else’s family and makes his comeback as catcher against our hosts with a semi-final place already secured. When Betty and Darcy move to OF the new IF realise we are counting on them and rise to the challenge making some great outs. We play Marlay again in the semi-final and in a crafty move call the game during a batting frenzy wiping all that innings runs and leaving the score respectable (only in a they’d already beaten us 19-0 and 16-0 earlier this year kind of way).
Many thanks to those who stepped in for us: to the lovely Lisa against her Marlay teammates; to the one-time and again for today Martyrs Peter BatPak and Orla London v Renegades; to the equally lovely Ruth Kelly and don’t forget it v Blazzers when we were fielding, plus cameos from Rachel and Dermot; and to John Renegades v Marlay in the semi-final.

IOST BLITZ. UUJ, Belfast - 22-23 Augsut 08.
Flyers (0-12 in Premier) and Slammers (6-6) in Division 1 join forces as the Slayers again. AND ARE PUT INTO THE COMP SECTION by the organisers. Just in case they were going to enjoy the weekend after being hammered all year in the league. Screw that. We wanted to play this Belfast Aviators team in a king of the skies challenge. Meanwhile the 11-3 In Div 1 Oddsox Reds and 4-8 in Prem and 5-8 in Div 2 Blazzers combined team get to play in the Rec. Not surprisingly the Blazzers retain the Plate competition. But are we bitter? Only as much as the Limeick locals were when our parent company switched from Limerick to Belfast like the ISA did.
Magoo overturned car on way to Belfast and carted off to hospital. SOS text for Betty from Ebbs. Team asked to quieten down by the Sluggers. Thought they were into heavy metal?
Sleeping out in Dublin (Tony) and Belfast (Catherine). Mary remembers she forgot boots when we are well on M1.
Lose to BatPak and Castletroy Dragons
Stingers: New arrivals boost our numbers. Betty stops first 2 hits for outs. Catcher Jenny hears them talking. They think Betty is master tactician and pitcher. Eric not very unhappy when they kept running and forcing even when miles ahead and the baby is swiftly brought home. Ray is first for heavy metal make up. We look more like an Unholy Alliance of Clowns than Rock Gods.
Into someone else’s tent for the rain. And lunch. Adrian includes the word ‘genre’ in a sentence.
Sluggers: 6-4 down. Start a new innings, with no new innings in 5 minutes. They get 3. We score 2, have 2 on with no outs and Betty asks ump if the 50 minutes is up, and it was but he didn't notice. So we lose and Betty is awarded the purple boa.
Dodsox. Ebbs umping. Taz turns Ruth over onto her shoulder before game start. We take early lead. Danny DHs for Betty. They’re panicking and struggling with the bats. 7 minutes left, Dodsox to bat top of innings. Dodsox get a few hits. And a couple of walks. Betty is being a master tactician and pitcher. Runners on 1 and 2, ball hit to 2B Jenny who throws straight back to pitcher. That wasn’t even planned. They take the lead and are enjoying their rally. Allison taking time throwing ball back. Betty asks Ebbs is the 7 minutes up yet. No, 1 minute left but Dodsox realise they’re out of time and going to lose on countback. Slayers win!!
Back to base for showers, pizza, more pizza, maracas, party, beers @ 2.40 a pint, Caroline calls the shots, Braxgata, dancing, Slayers headbanging.
Renegades: Tony and Mary don’t surface. We give them Claire and Danny. Then Steve injures himself first play. Then Elaine injures herself. Darcy hits a single, they throw home, Darcy heads for 2, they overthrow 2 and Darcy makes it to 3. Betty has to run for him then and falls over backstop. SW chokes on 2-out, 2-on bottom of last.
Marlay: Eric says check the runners and causes massive confusion. Cora tags their Ireland guy and he doesn’t want to admit it. Mary not happy with ump’s strike 3. The gloves were on when Lisa got serious so outfield move back and make the final catch. We finish 8th of 8 but did get that win.
Dragons: 6 Slayers have left by now but we still have subs. Tony and Adrian end up stopped between home and third so Tony takes short cut straight back to second for a big DDM.
Thanks to our guest: Ruth Kelly’s glove v Dragons.
PS I know no-one really cares but I believe Magoo was ok, and in a better condition than most of his teammates come Sunday morning.

And the rest..

First DDM of the season. 9 Mar 2008, ALSAA
Mr Burns is late for training. We ring him and text him to say training is cancelled because the pitches in ALSAA are waterlogged and the gates to them are closed. So he keeps coming, proceeds to ignore us all standing around outside ALSAA and drives down to the pitches anyway. Why?

Pre-season friendly. 30 Mar 2008, Glasnevin
If you can't join them, beat them.
Two games v the Dogs are shared but Flyers play a lot better when out of position than in first game. Darcy gets his first game. And Yemi spends more time walking around Albert College Park than it took her to get from the midlands to here. Somehow we get hot sunny weather for the games. Tony grabs another DDM for not beleiving Adrian that the clocks would be going forward the previous night. He also wonders has he been in the game too long when he eventually figures out that the series of numbers written on his glove is his parent's home number, and he had no mobile phone when he bought it.