The Usual Suspects Blitz 14 June 2008 brings you a new mini-series – “12”


The following takes place between 0900 a.m. and 1000 a.m.
10 months after their last mission, an emergency call from Devally – head of ALSAA newly formed VCTU (Victory Chips Trade Union) - gathers the Slayers together to embark on a mission to prevent the ALSAA kitchen from bankruptcy. Meeting at St. Mary’s Rugby Club Car Park in Terenure, the Slayers began the long fight for silverware for the club.

The following takes place between 1000 a.m. and 1100 a.m.
The Slayers take on the evil Odd Sox who are disguised this year as skangers. It is half-way through the game before Slayers realise that they are actually dressed up, and not in normal clothes. Didn’t they always wear pink velour trackies and plenty of bling? Shocked, the Slayers retreat, handing Odd Sox the match.

The following takes place between 1100 a.m. and 1200 noon
Slayers move the action to pitch 2 to take on the Homers. A crafty move by the Suspects on pitch 1 to take out Allison with an outfield fly ball into her back doesn’t work, and she lives to field another ball. Not before causing the Slayers to retreat again however, as Slayers lose the 2nd match of the day.

The following takes place between 1200 p.m. and 1300 p.m.
The Slayers arch-nemesis the Marlay Martyrs move in for the 3rd action filled episode of the day. Marlay cunningly use their Joker on a 13-run inning, racking up the scores. A retaliation attempt by the Slayers, who foolishly play their Joker in a 0-run inning seals the Slayers fate as they lose the 3rd battle in a row. An emergency offensive rethink is called for in the next match.

The following takes place between 1300 p.m. and 1400 p.m.
A rethink of the game plan and a backwards game of softball against the Usual Suspects confounds the enemy as the Slayers march to victory. Slayers, now having actually woken up from the appalling early start on a Saturday, realise that the war chant “Slayers Rock!” is probably a bit naff.

The following takes place between 1400 p.m. and 1500 p.m.
The Slayers retire to regroup over for lunch. VCTU head quarters are informed of the latest win, and an emergency call out to McGoo and Elaine W. sees the Slayers crack team receiving extra reserves to continue the battle. Roche and Helen make a guest appearance straight from their honeymoon. Cora and Allison take advantage of a lift from D’Arcy and crack open their first beer while assessing their drinking requirements for the rest of the day.

The following takes place between 1500 p.m. and 1600 p.m.
An extended lunch break. Slayers take advantage of this free time to gauge the strengths of the Deadly Suspect who they will fact next. Cora and Allison take this opportunity to crack open another beer.

The following takes place between 1600 p.m. and 1700 p.m.
Slayers, fresh from lunch, beers, and an influx of new personnel, take on the 7&3-playing Deadly Suspects. Learning from previous mistakes, Slayers play their joker in a 5-run inning to take the game. Buoyed by 2 wins in a row, Slayers decide “Slayers Rock!” is actually quite funny, and march off for their final battle of the day. Meanwhile, D’Arcy and Catherine have been kidnapped by the Usual Suspects, who claim that they are the real VCTU, and tempt them with promises of a not just chips but a bar-b-q after the match.

The following takes place between 1700 p.m. and 1800 p.m.
Slayers take on the Blazzers in the last round robin battle. Suffering from a depleted squad of girlies, the Blazzers kidnap Allison and force her to play for them. In a crafty plot, Slayers kidnap the Blazzers’ Martin to even up the sides, and both teams battle it out playing 6&4. Another cunning joker manoeuvre during a 6-run inning hands victory to the Slayers.

The following takes place between 1800 p.m. and 1900 p.m.
Slayers, happy to be out of the final now that it has started raining, hit the showers and bar-b-q – in that order. Honeymooning Roche & Helen cook the burgers and hotdogs.

The following takes place between 1900 p.m. and 2000 p.m.
“Softball’s Got Talent” doesn’t get a Slayer entry. Slayers, now depleted to just the Flyers as all the Slammers have fled for home in the face of this new evil torture by the Suspects, lament not being able to witness Steve & McGoo Slammers’ tap-dancing routine, which they had been rehearsing all week. The two bottles of Champagne go to Roche for singing all 47 verses of “I’ve Been a Wild Rover” – in the face of stiff competition from the Odd Sox “Fields of Athenry” and the Marlay Martyr’s rap.

The following takes place between 2000 p.m. and 2100 p.m.
Cora Flyer and Gary Odd Sox clean up on the raffle and win almost everything between them – to the point where Cora considers holding her own raffle as she has too much to carry. Beer consumption is blamed on Cora simply giving away half of her stock – including foolishly handing over the Castillero del Diablo to the Ebbs’, and keeping the Lidl wine for herself. The shock of not winning anything in the raffle causes Allison to lose her voice, and she resorts to writing in some kind of code. Beer consumption is further blamed for the lack of clarity in the hand written notes.

The following takes place between 2100 p.m. and 2200 p.m.
Having saved face in front of other softballers with 3 wins, 3 losses, mid-table mediocrity confirmed and a promising outlook for an order of Victory Chips from the ALSAA kitchen before the season ends, Slayers head for home.