FLYERS INTRODUCE ENHANCED BASE-REACHING OPTION
- INTRODUCTORY OFFER OF €3 -

A big fancypants Dublin Hotel was the venue recently for The Flyers first shareholder meeting following their off-season floatation on the Irish Sportexchange. Chairman Adriano DeValera told the gathering everything would be grand and the Flyers were well positioned to hold their own in the shakeup with the big boys over the next few months. He then re-read the last bit to check for double entendres.

Ripoff

At a press conference afterwards The Flyers announced a number of enhancements that will offer opponents the choice to pre-book extra base hit options online for the forthcoming season.

From the start of May players may choose to pre-book a triple at a charge of €10, a home run at a charge of €15 and all remaining hits at a charge of €3. In advance of this enhanced facility batters may pre-select their hit online at an introductory charge of €3 per hit effective from Wednesday 24th April. This enhanced facility will allow opponents to choose their preferred base in Flyers matches when paying online. Alternatively, and subject to IBSUA approval, players may choose the self-service TossnHit at no additional charge to enhance their hitting chances.

Doomed

Further to the ongoing developments of Flyers’ dynamic packaging, whereby customers can now also request victory chips when booking hits online using one click, walks will be included in the booking flow process from next week. Walks start from as little as €5 per base on a windy day. Customers who already have strikeout insurance cover or choose not to take up the offer will have the option to do so, but we will make it difficult to see how.

Announcing new destinations for 2007 the club said they looked forward to their first visit to Alexandra College to play Dodder. No one in the room believed them.

BS

Commenting on the new developments, Commercial Director, Aido Deauville said,
"Today’s announcement demonstrates our continued focus on game enhancement; offering our opponents greater choice and placing the batter in control of their hitting experience. The response from clubs to our recent web initiatives has been extremely positive and these new enhancements are in direct response to player demand. These celtic cubs have so much money now they are looking for new ways to spend it. We also recognise the time sensitivity of the cross-city traveller in particular and this new facility will enable greater speed and efficiency in starting and finishing games, thus offering an overall more streamlined experience for all."

Dublin-based softball analyst Ian Clarke was swift to condemn these offers. "The Flyers have historically given up cheap extra base hits. And have always given free bases in the form of overthrows. To try to charge for them now is scandalous. And some players and teams are further being hit by not being offered the option of a multiple-walk package where there is clearly demand out there for such a product."

Flyers director Barney Ebsay later rounded on Clarke and 'other nutbags' for pointing out to 'dumb consumers' when they were 'being fleeced'.