With Softball Season 2006 fast approaching, newly appointed Flyers coach Adrian Devally called a press conference to outline his plans for his charges this season. Sitting by his left side was an English gentleman who Devally didn't introduce, claiming he himself was the boss and the gaffer. Also present at the top table was Mr Brian Ebbs who refuses to accept the Jets 93 will not be around this year.

The opening questions concerned the circumstances surrounding the appointment of the new coach. Devally refused to be drawn on the subject, saying only that Coach Betty was getting too old, and that he had been approached to take over following his part in Galway's success against Kilkenny in last year's All-Ireland senior hurling semi-final. However, unreliable sources close to the team say that the reshuffle was the result of a deal hammered out during an intensive 48-second session of talks. The source - named as Hayley Zard - said that the reason for Betty leaving his post was to finally put an end to years of sleepless nights worrying about his 'babies'.

Coach Ebbs then rather surprisingly proceeded to talk about the Jets's plans for the new term. After declaring his optimism for the forthcoming season and stating that he has the support of all his squad members, he refused point-blank to reply to Cory Socks' question on how many 'all' was. In an emotional statement he described how had been blessed last season by the visitation of 3 angels but wouldn't be drawn on what it had all meant and whether their work had been completed. 'I pray every night they will come back, and bring beer' he said.


Home and Houses's sports correspondent Carol Walls-Lyons suggested coach Betty had conveniently left office voluntarily after just about escaping relegation last year, that he knew the limitations of his coaching abilities and saw the writing on the wall for the year ahead. Rejecting her perception that he was on a hiding to nothing Devally claimed he was in charge, he was the gaffer and the buck would stop with him. As the Englishman, who had now moved to his right, pushing Brain Ebbs off the podium, tried to speak Devally told the assembled world's press that he was the boss. 'I'm the boss', he said.

Boozesports Scotland's editor Allister McFee asked the new coach would his successful squad rotation policy, used to great effect in Limerick last year, be employed in the new season. 'The buck stops with me. I'm the gaffer' was Devally's reply. Timmy Curtains of the Buffalo Wingding asked Brain Ebbs out for a date. Ebbs was however already out in the bar ringing around looking for new players so never heard the offer.

Victory Chips

Commenting on the age of the squad Roly O'Brien of teen magazine T-Ball Times asked for a cliché about the team's youth policy. Devally passed the question over to the Englishman falling asleep beside him but, before he could answer, Ebbs rushed back into the room and excitedly reported that with the breeding season in full flow he will be asking the ISA if the Jets 93 could reserve a place in the Third Division for the 2023 season.

Team spokeswoman Len Merrion asked for final questions and sports hack Sonny Satchel of the Korean daily 'The Daily Korean' asked what was the new coach's policy on food after victories in the year ahead. 'Don't ask me, I'm not the chef' was head-chef Devally's surprise reply. 'Victory platters for everyone for a Jets win' shouted Brian Ebbs to a chorus of sighs, tutting and one 'fooking hell'.
- filed by Jake Clinton, of the Montana Muffler.