NEW COACH IS THE BOSS
With Softball Season 2006 fast approaching,
newly appointed Flyers coach Adrian Devally called a press conference to outline his plans for his charges
this season. Sitting by his left side was an English gentleman who Devally didn't introduce, claiming he
himself was the boss and the gaffer. Also present at the top table was Mr Brian Ebbs who refuses to
accept the Jets 93 will not be around this year.
Gaffer
Home and Houses's sports correspondent Carol Walls-Lyons suggested coach Betty had conveniently left
office voluntarily after just about escaping relegation last year, that he knew the limitations of his
coaching abilities and saw the writing on the wall for the year ahead. Rejecting her perception that he
was on a hiding to nothing Devally claimed he was in charge, he was the gaffer and the buck would stop
with him. As the Englishman, who had now moved to his right, pushing Brain Ebbs off the podium, tried
to speak Devally told the assembled world's press that he was the boss. 'I'm the boss', he said.
Victory Chips
Commenting on the age of the squad Roly O'Brien of teen magazine T-Ball Times asked for a cliché about
the team's youth policy. Devally passed the question over to the Englishman falling asleep beside him
but, before he could answer, Ebbs rushed back into the room and excitedly reported that with the
breeding season in full flow he will be asking the ISA if the Jets 93 could reserve a place in the
Third Division for the 2023 season.
The opening questions concerned the circumstances surrounding the appointment of the new coach. Devally
refused to be drawn on the subject, saying only that Coach Betty was getting too old, and that he had
been approached to take over following his part in Galway's success against Kilkenny in last year's
All-Ireland senior hurling semi-final. However, unreliable sources close to the team say that the
reshuffle was the result of a deal hammered out during an intensive 48-second session of talks. The
source - named as Hayley Zard - said that the reason for Betty leaving his post was to finally put an
end to years of sleepless nights worrying about his 'babies'.
Coach Ebbs then rather surprisingly proceeded to talk about the Jets's plans for the new term.
After declaring his optimism for the forthcoming season and stating that he has the support of all his
squad members, he refused point-blank to reply to Cory Socks' question on how many 'all' was. In an
emotional statement he described how had been blessed last season by the visitation of 3 angels but
wouldn't be drawn on what it had all meant and whether their work had been completed. 'I pray every
night they will come back, and bring beer' he said.
Boozesports Scotland's editor Allister McFee asked the new coach would his successful squad rotation
policy, used to great effect in Limerick last year, be employed in the new season. 'The buck stops with
me. I'm the gaffer' was Devally's reply. Timmy Curtains of the Buffalo Wingding asked Brain Ebbs out for
a date. Ebbs was however already out in the bar ringing around looking for new players so never heard
the offer.
Team spokeswoman Len Merrion asked for final questions and sports hack Sonny Satchel of the Korean daily
'The Daily Korean' asked what was the new coach's policy on food after victories in the year ahead.
'Don't ask me, I'm not the chef' was head-chef Devally's surprise reply. 'Victory platters for everyone
for a Jets win' shouted Brian Ebbs to a chorus of sighs, tutting and one 'fooking hell'.
- filed by Jake Clinton, of the Montana Muffler.