The Limerick Leaver

  Final Edition 17-19 August 2007

Flyers to Axe Limerick Tournament Participation?

Latest media reports have speculated that the Flyers are about to axe their participation in the Limerick tournament, believing that the tournament would be more cost effective if moved to Belfast.  Arriving in the Sports bar in UCL on Friday night, Flyers Board Members Allison and Cora assured other softballers that the Flyers are committed to the Limerick tournament for the foreseeable future.  “We’re not the national team,” advised Allison from behind several bottles of beer, “Any Flyers who have made the national team over the years have been sold off.  We are now a private team and can do what we like.”  Cora was unavailable for comment having found someone more interesting to look at.

Impending 48 hour Non-Attendance by Flyers Pitcher

Commenting on the impending 48-hour non-attendance by the pitching supremo Betty, Director of Line-Ups Ebbsie said “The Flyers commitment to Limerick is demonstrated through resolving the pitching issues by leasing in Magoo and several other players from the Slammers, temporarily forming a new team – the Slayers.  The Slayers will operate the Flyers slots at the Limerick tournament and it’s business as usual.”  

End to Friday Overnight

In a shock move, Flyers cut the Friday overnight from the Limerick schedule.  “We have to respond to market conditions,” said Director of Fun, Tony, “And getting up at 5 a.m. to drive to Limerick is much more fun than sleeping.  Especially when I faked a puncture and got Mary to drive.  That was hilarious!” 

Saturday Results Better Than Expected

The 5-slots operated by the Slayers on Saturday in Limerick have returned a positive 4 and 1 result for the day’s operation. Commenting later, after shots of Aftershock in the Stables, Director of Finance Ray revealed “A greater number of Flyers are subsidising the Slammers, and that makes the operation profitable.  If the Flyers withdraw from the tournament, the Slammers would have to pay the whole entry fee ourselves, and that may result in Slammers also withdrawing”. “This could potentially have a devastating impact on the revenues earned by the bars, off-licences and Dominos Pizza at UCL” added Steve.

Local Vote Favours East


Home-grown Flyers Clint and Caroline were left devastated after voting in the finals of the dance off on Saturday night favoured the Eastern Europe team.  “It’s just not fair!” Choreographer Marty said, as he cried into his beer, “Clint is as much an immigrant as they are.” Clint was unavailable for comment but seemed content with his pizza and beer.

Slammers increase Slayers Shareholding to 29%

For many years, Slammers shareholding of the Slayers away-blitz team was limited to Magoo and usually one other.  In a shrewd move, Slammers blind-sided the Flyers, increasing their ownership of the team to 29%.  Fears of job losses among the Flyers have increased, especially after Claire’s “just bloody lucky” hitting all weekend, and Elaine’s determination secure her spot on third base, by a nose.

Slayers Post Negative Results for Sunday

A slow down caused by drinking far to many beers on Saturday night has been blamed for the negative results of the Sunday 3-slot operation by the Slayers. Director of Statistics Ado commented “Time and time again we’ve seen that the early morning slot is too early for a profitable operation.  To be on a softball pitch at 9:30 a.m. after getting to bed at 3:00 a.m. is returning a negative result.  There are no bars or off-licences open at this time and therefore interest in the slot time is waning.”